Family Court is essentially mediation to get both parties to agree to amicably divorce.
To enter Family Court, one of the spouses must submit an application document to the courts to begin the process. The details on the application may or may not be true and sometimes have no pending on the outcome of the mediation. The goal of the family court is simply to come to an amicable solution for both parties.
The court is not really a court per-se. It is a non-descript government building where both parties will meet with mediators on a certain day that is previously agreed to.
There are a few things that will occur:
- Your times for the meeting will be staggered and the meeting rooms on different floors so that you will not meet your spouse.
- The mediators are 2 regular people, 40 years or older, that have “life experience”.
- The applying party goes first. Then they interview the second party. Then back to the first party and then the second party.
- Sessions are usually 30 minutes each or so.
- If there is something that needs to be brought up to the judge, the mediators will go check with the judge. You will not meet the judge.
- The second day will be the reverse order of meetings.
- The sessions are broken up into 2 points of view (and this carries over all the way to court). Custody/Visitation of Kids & Division of Assets.
- They will ask for your ID when you begin
IMPORTANT: The first question the mediators will ask you is “Do you want to get a divorce?“. If you have kids and visitation is not agreed to in writing yet (or any parts of the divorce are not agreed to and on paper), say “NO, not unless custody is agreed to“. In my case, the mediator literally asked me 5 times the same question, simply stating that on the application (that my spouse had filed) said that we both wanted a divorce. My lawyer finally jumped in and told the mediator to move on from the question. Apparently if I had said “I agree to the divorce”, the mediation would have ended and they simply would have gone through the paperwork & motions. Tricky tricky.
Assets & Asset Division
My mediators have gone back and forth simply asking about assets and trying to complete the asset declaration list which is used for separating the assets. There are a few things that happen with this:
- Bank account statements are provided up to the date of separation
- Property & asset assessments are done by both parties. The proposed valuation is done by both parties for the value of the assets as of the separation date. In most cases, the person that owns (or is defending the asset) gets a low assessment while the person that is looking to gain the most money from the other person, gets a high assessment. In my case, i still live in the family home as the loan is entirely in my name. I listed low, my ex listed high. Im not sure how this will be assessed by the judge or mediators. More than likely meet in the middle. Any asset still in your possession after separation will need to be assessed.
The mediators will also ask for a list of your living expenses and general spending habits. This can be as extravagant or tight as you wish however they may ask for proof at a later date (ie: credit card statements, bills, invoices). Usually the person that is trying to get money from the other, will list their expenses higher.
BE CAREFUL: If you continue to hold assets that appreciate in value (ie stocks, gold, BTC etc).
If you do not have an agreement with your ex stating that the valuation is agreed to be set for the date of separation, your spouse or the judge can value the asset at the point of divorce. This means that if mediation does not work and you need to go to court to have a judge divorce you a few years later, and you have an appreciating asset (ie: GOLD) and still hold onto it until the judges decision, they could value it at that time. You will lose money this way as your spouse is entitled to 1/2 of it.
An idea is to sell the asset shortly after the separation, getting proof of the sale, and then consider rebuying it if you want to hold it for the long term. Remember though that this is a taxable event so consult with your accountant about the risks.
Marriage Support Fees
Marriage support fees need to be paid for by the parent that does not have the children, or the working parent. These fees are paid for until the divorce occurs. I am not sure yet if they are paid after the divorce occurs (in the case that there are no children). Whoever has kids will receive this for sure. If the spouse that leaves was a stay-at-home spouse, then the working spouse will pay these fees. There is a graph which is used by the mediators & judge to decide this however it is usually 20% of the working spouses salary. This fee is used to “maintain the quality of life when both parties were living together”….
Visitation & Children
As my children were young, the judge would not admit their statements (under 13) with regards to visitation. I still retained custody (and will do so until divorce or trying to get custody myself), but visitation is severely limited due to my ex blocking my attempts to be with my kids. Any number of excuses can be used by the offending parent to do these alienation tactics such as the kids are busy with friends, they have afterschool clubs, trips that dont involve you, “lifestyle rhythm”.
Even though you have custody, it does not guarantee visitation of your kids and you may have to fight for it in mediation / court.
My lawyers have opened a second mediation court filing in order to have my children interviewed. I believe that their voice is extremely important for the separation and visitation and that it should be heard by the courts. The time between filing and interviews with myself, my spouse and children took approximately 6 months. A lot can happen in that time including indoctrination, brainwashing and coercion… This is to be expected if the parent that took the kids is keen to do parental isolation.
Some things that happen during the interview by the childrens specialist are:
- the interview takes about 2 hours or so
- I was recommended by my lawyer to not display emotions during the interview (extremely difficult as this is your only chance to fight for your kids!)
- the childrens specialist mediator will ask about how the relationship was with the kids prior to separation
- how the children reacted to being told about the separation
- what sort of parenting schedule was shared for things like taking too and from lessons etc.
- whether the parents fought in front of the kids
- request by the interviewer not to do any grooming of answers to the kids
- both parents are interviewed first
All interviews are private until all of the interviews are completed and then the interviewers report is compiled. This takes about 3 weeks after the interviews are done and then provided to both parents.
This is where im at now… ill update after.