Before Separation
Alright so you have filed the “Rikon Fujyuri Moushideshou” document that stops your spouse from filing a fake (but officially enforced) divorce form. If you havent done it yet, see here.
Whew. You can now breathe a little tiny bit easier. That being said there are number of things that need to be done in order to protect yourself and to get a better picture of things throughout separation and divorce. Here are some things which I did (and unfortunately didn’t ) do. Many of these may seem over the top but will come in handy later in either negotiation, mediation or court and I will explain the thinking behind each of these items further in this article.
There are a number of things you need to get and do which will make things easier in the long run.
- your hanko (official signature stamp).
- get photos annually of your bank account books as well as those of your spouse.
- copies of your spouses annual tax filing (kakutei shinkoku)
- any land registry, house registry or apartment ownership documents from either city hall or your home.
- any document that shows who has any loans in their name
- if you or spouse have a car, get a copy of the registry document as well as the shaken document.
- photos of your spouses ID, any ID for the children as well as passport copies.
- if you have kids, “accidentally” misplace their ID and store it somewhere safe. This could be a my number card or insurance card as well.
- [Risky] get a small motion activated hidden USB charging port camera and put it in a common place in the house.
- record all bank account numbers in the household in a google doc
- start a daily / regular journal which which you will document any irregular things or fights. Use google docs only.
- record all arguments audio with your phone
- record any fights your spouse has with the children with your phone
- if your spouse hits your children, call the police immediately.
- if your spouse verbally or physically does domestic violence to you, call the police immediately.
- change your password on your google drive folder to something only you would know
- have google photos automatically be updated from your phone whenever you take a picture.
- if you are a business owner, have your accountant file both you and your spouses taxes each year.
- If you have crypto, get it onto a Nano Ledger S or the newer X. DO NOT STORE your seed phrase on your google drive or digitally. Hide it somewhere only you will know and not forget about.
- Put an airtag on your kids bike
I recommend uploading all copies or photos to a private google drive folder which your spouse does not have access to.
Some of the items listed above might seem a bit over the top but as i said before, things can go south extremely quickly. You could go from having regular civil discussions with your spouse about divorce to a non communicative state within days. Once separated from them you will not have access to any of these things at all and your spouse can deny and not cooperate with requests. And now for the reason behind all of the above:
#1 Your hanko (official signature stamp).
A lot of damage can be done without you knowing should your spouse misuse your personal seal signature stamp. They could sell off assets, cancel insurance, cancel documents, file an unknown divorce application and take custody of your kids. There is absolutely no reason for someone other than you to be able to sign a document so please be sure to get this.
#2 Get photos annually of your bank account books as well as those of your spouse.
Your assets will be divided 50/50 at the time of divorce. The general decision is that the asset division amounts are from the date of separation. You will need proof of assets in case your spouse tries to hide assets. Additionally if you are doing a lot of monthly bank transfers or payments directly from the accounts, this annual photo timeline will help you and your lawyer to figure out basic family costs. If you can, get a few pages of each bank book that is best. If you cannot get access to the bank book, go to the bank and ask for the past 10 years of bank transactions. Ask that they are not mailed to your house and that you will pick them up at the bank in a week. Unfortunately Japan Post only sends them to your house so you may want them to be sent to a friends place so your spouse doesn’t know what you are doing.
#3 Copies of your spouses annual tax filing (kakutei shinkoku)
If you can get copies of the annual filings, this is best. It will show how much money your spouse is paying for taxes as well as how much they are earning. These copies make sure that everything is above board and also can be used later in case your spouse hides assets.
#4 any land registry, house registry or apartment ownership documents from either city hall or your home.
Self explanatory. In this way you will also be assured of who has ownership of what.
#5 any document that shows who has any loans in their name
Same as #4. At the point of division of assets, knowing how much money is still owed is important. Having these documents can make things much smoother.
#6 if you or spouse have a car, get a copy of the registry document as well as the shaken document.
Same as the previous 2 items.
#7 photos of your spouses ID, any ID for the children as well as passport copies.
This will be particularly handy if your spouse is planning to move overseas as well as tracking down any administrative stuff that they are doing.
#8 if you have kids, “accidentally” misplace their ID and store it somewhere safe. This could be a my number card or insurance card as well.
Ah i really wish I had done this. While i have been trying to find my wife’s hidden accounts, i have been to multiple banks and asking if my kids have an account there. All of the banks as me to show some sort of ID for the kids to prove that they are mine. I showed my family registry as well as home registry but some banks stonewalled me and refused saying that it is “kojin joho” or “personal information”.
#9 [Risky] get a small USB camera and put it in a common place in the house.
I know what you are thinking “isn’t this an invasion of privacy?”. Well, i don’t think so. Its my house, with my wife and kids. I have a right to take photos whenever i want, so why not this? I thought of it more as an insurance policy. A) I get to know who is coming and going in my house and B) if there were any arguments that occurred I would always redirect them to be near the area where the camera was. In this way if my wife called the police and lied by saying that there was domestic violence, i would have a backup and proof that it did not occur. It was a bit risky in case she discovered it but i just left a USB cord connected to it and would use it to charge my phone occasionally.
#10 Record all bank account numbers in the household in a google doc
You will need a backup so just put it in a google spreadsheet.
#11 Start a daily / regular journal which which you will document any irregular things or fights. Use google docs only.
This is pretty important. Only use google docs to do it. The reason for that is that it is immutable proof that your version of the events occured on that specific date. Google docs automatically updates and timestamps each entry into it. You can easily show that an entry that you put into it on say Dec 1st 2010 was actually input exactly on that date. Its the “History” button in the top right of the google doc.
#12 Record all arguments audio with your phone & #13 record any fights your spouse has with the children with your phone
These audio recordings can come in handy to show what the household was like. Of course, they can backfire if you are going nuts in the argument but if your spouse is the hysteric type, it cant hurt.
#14 If your spouse hits your children, call the police immediately.
This will require your own discretion. If you do call the police on your spouse, this may escalate things even more… You will have ensured that your children are safe though. That being said, if things become really bad in court, you will need that report that the police are obligated to make. Get photos of the police badges or ask for a copy of the report
#15 If your spouse verbally or physically does domestic violence to you, call the police immediately.
Things can get heated during arguments. This is something that we all know and have had happen. But that does not make any sort of violence acceptable in any way shape or form. Later in court, you will need any evidence of abuse and a police report will suffice. Generally the courts view domestic violence to women as a higher demerit. DO NOT FAKE ABUSE.
#16 Change your password on your google drive folder to something only you would know
You are putting extremely important backups of all of your documents and livelyhood on google drive. Be sure to keep your passwords to yourself. Additionally you may want to add 2FA confirmations to make sure that any changes to your account are only done with your permission.
#17 Have google photos automatically be updated from your phone whenever you take a picture.
My spouse tried to take all of the family photos when she left the house. She managed to take all of the art that the kids made and leave me with nothing. Having a backup of photos is good for not only your mental and emotional state, but also as proof of your interaction with your kids (if you have any). You can use these photos later and they are extremely important. The photos of the bankbooks will also be updated for future reference.
#18 If you are a business owner, have your accountant file both you and your spouses taxes each year.
Ah how i wish i did this. If i did, it would have kept embezzlement to a minimum. You can easily play off to your spouse that you want the taxes to be done right and that it is “a business expense”. You would then be able to refer back to the documents later and ask your accountant any questions should the arise.
#19 If you have crypto, get it onto hardware wallet
DO NOT STORE your seed phrase on your google drive or digitally. Hide it somewhere only you will know and not forget about. You can always recover any crypto wallets using your seed phrase. This doesnt mean that you should hide the wallet from your spouse. Open financials is a good thing. But once the seed has been recorded for the first time, if your spouse doesnt know the seed (or the password for the device) they cannot access those funds. I recommend using a Nano Ledger S or the newer X.
#20 Put an airtag on your kids bike
I did it and I never regretted it. You can always see where your kids are and if they are safe. Additionally if they are somewhere they are not supposed to be (and also if your spouse pulls a runner), the bike will most likely be taken. Then you know where they are for the time being by checking the airtags location. You can hide the airtags inside the frame of the bike, under the waterbottle holder or even in a reflector under the seat.
Head over to the next article : After Separation.